The Inner Circle

The thought for today, as we anxiously await the arrival of spring, is one which I think any of us who are not already living as a female full time should be able to relate to and comment upon. Not all of us are in a relationship, of course, but that doesn’t necessarily limit whether or not you can have input here.

The question for the day is this: how big is he group of people, not counting other trans folks, to whom you are out as a CD or TS? I’m thinking here mostly of people you met in real life, rather than on-line. I’ve an idea that a great many would say only their wife or girlfriend knows for a fact, and not a few others would admit that they had been “found out” by others but there were no others they willingly outed themselves to. Of course each of those “outings” is a story in itself and if it’s happened much, those events become a central part of the tapestry of our current lives.

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I remember the first person in my adult life (not counting some incidents in my childhood) other than my spouse, whom I told face to face, to pick up on something being amiss was my youngest son. At the time he was just past his twelfth birthday and I had been out to my spouse for just over six months. I’d done some of the basic things, shaved my body, let my hair grow, and begun to shift the components of my wardrobe to female versions of the male clothing I’d worn. Including, of course, ditching the tighty-whities for panties. One day in March, he figured out what he was seeing at my waistline when I was getting out of the car. He commented on it to his mother and that initiated me discussing my condition with my children. Before that year was out, I was confronted by a brother in law, with backup in tow, about my “odd behavior” and with that, I went public and never looked back.

Sometimes the person we are intimate with knows because we wanted them to, sometimes because we “got caught” – heck sometimes it was her idea! Every situation is at least subtly different. And that’s not to mention those among us who are still successfully keeping even their partner in the dark. But the real question here is who beyond that person, if any, knows – and how did they find out? Parents? Siblings? Children? Neighbors? Old friends? Were there any you trusted enough to be that “real” with them? Were there any who found out by accident but who surprised you by being supportive? Anyone who found out and immediately went and told others? How big is your trusted inner circle, and what role do they play in your life, particularly in your feminine life?

photo by: jronaldlee