Maybe I’m just in a mood but then again, maybe this is prompted by all too pressing reality in my world. Admittedly, I’m feeling the stress and so why not process that a bit with folks who quite possibly can relate to the experience. What’s on my mind?
The disapproving spouse (or significant other).
To be perfectly honest, I hadn’t intended to be writing such a negative piece this time, it’s always better to be uplifting than remark upon life’s injustices. But my life’s experience provides regular examples of how this can affect even an otherwise successful transition. As with all things in the collective experience of trans people, there are as many varying stories as there are people to tell them, and I freely admit I know (online) not a few examples of couples who went through the fire and came out with a positive relationship, either as a couple still or as caring “best friends” or at the very least respectful and kind co-parents.
But I’ve also heard far too many horror stories. I think of one of my friends who’s had as successful a transition as one could possibly hope for in every respect except for the fact that a bitter and vengful Ex denies accessed to beloved children, and so deep is her pain that she’s actually considering detransitioning in a futile effort to regain that access. I think of people like Christine Daniels who simply couldn’t deal with the loss.
My own spouse, who’s dealing with some issues of her one as a result of PTSD, such that abandoning her rather than put up with negativity is not an ethical option, regularly takes occasion to try to “make me pay” for this which she disapproves of. Certainly one doesn’t even have to accomplish a full time transition to have to deal with this. It seems likely that the great majority of crossdressers remain closeted specifically because they know the firestorm that would ensue if their secret became known. Far more so the transsexual who dreams of a full transition.
It’s a difficult think, to live in a culture that so heavily indoctrinates the message that cross-gender behavior or identity is “sick and perverted” or “sinful” to the extent that even a person who would otherwise profess unconditional love for you can suddenly jump ship. There’s no easy answer when she cannot be reconciled to your situation. So if you are one of those for whom the end result was positive, be very thankful to whatever higher power you look to that you were so blessed. It’s difficult to appreciate just how much pain you have avoided.
Image by: Tambako the Jaguar