Mixed Messages
If you have been around the internet long, I suppose I don’t have to tell you what People of Walmart is.
If you have spent any time perusing that infamous site, you are aware that an occasional photo turns up of a cross-dresser, or drag queen or, quite likely, an actual transitioning transsexual who simply didn’t pass well enough to fool the photographer. As is the custom of the site, of course, any photo which gets posted is the subject of mockery and ridicule both by the poster of the item and the commenters, as in the case of the page I linked above. Now, as much as I could get into some deep level of indignation about cross-dressers being held up for ridicule or, indeed, the whole concept of having a site which exists for the purpose of mocking people on their appearance as a general principle – that would be an exhausting and ultimately depressing discussion. Instead, I want to peruse another line of thought which occurs to me from having seen some of those photos of patrons who were, for whatever reason, cross dressed.
You can sub divide all the pics there featuring cross dressed individuals in several broad categories. One, of course, would be the female in male dress, which in the context of this kind of site wouldn’t even register as “cross dressing” so much as “butch lesbian” (at least as a stereotype). But laying that aside, there are (a) those in costume; (b) drag queens; (c) the non-passing transsexual (one assumes those who pass are for the most part not captured on film, or if they are it’s for some other reason) – for this group I would exercise judgment about whether or not the person is attempting to pass, or has some evident body modification (such as actual breasts) which is admittedly a bit of a fuzzy line between these and . . .(d) full presentation crossdresser, which I define as a person who may or may not be attempting to pass but who has a consistent female presentation in the photograph and this as opposed to (e) the mixed presentation.
(Continued below...)And it’s that last group I bring up for the purpose of discussion. I myself present as female 24/7, and I make every effort to present a fully female presentation at all times. I have joked that if my house caught fire in the middle of the night one of my biggest worries would be that I’d be seen outside the house with a 15 hour beard. Most of the people I know who identify as CDs are very diligent about, when they have the opportunity to dress (and most especially if they intend to be out of the house) having a very consistent feminine presentation. Part of the magic of the experience is to completely subsume any masculine trait beneath the female facade.
I admit that I’m taken aback, then, when I see photos of men clearly wearing female attire who just as clearly are not even attempting to present themselves as females. In the photo linked above, both men are wearing prominent facial hair. That takes a special kind of boldness. To be clear, I’m not speaking of the one who dresses at home privately because of course many CD’s are forced by circumstances to not, for instance, employ the razor to remove body hair or whatever.
I’m not judging or condemning them, far be it for me to do so. But I do have a bit of trouble processing it. The thought occurs to me that they may be transsexual and simply unable to accomplish a full transition for whatever reason – but I can’t imagine such a person being content to go bearded (I would be horrified!) so that solution is unsatisfying to me. So I throw it out for you, the reader, to discuss: Is it more common than I realize that CD’s are happy to dress in some sort of feminine attire, in public, without any attempt at a fully female presentation?
photo credit: quinn.anya
Gray, and I mean so many shades of it. And I’m not referring to the mustache of the fella in the photo. We all (crossdressers) have this impulse to explore and express our feminine side. Some of us go to the very extreme and could pass quite easily while some of us just enjoy slipping in to a silky pair of panty hose occasionally when we can. I myself try as hard as possible to be passable and enjoy the art of doing so although I never venture in to the world outside of my home….yet. My wife is very kind and tells me that I look beautiful and I’m so thankful for that but I often wonder how others might perceive my appearance. I think I like the idea of being objectified, that is probably even a motivation for me. For the crossdressers that go out with a very masculine mustache and or beard I think the motivation is very different. They are clearly not trying to pass. Some of them might be doing this as a joke but I think this is a minority. The majority of these semi-crossdressed people with bold personalities (lets face it, it takes a set to do something like this, no sexism or pun intended) are just doing wha it feels natural to them and I applaud that. They are breaking new ground for us all and I truly appreciate that. I wish I had the courage to go out dressed up but I don’t because I am so fearful of the consequences. I am hopeful that someday in my lifetime that I’ll be able to go out dressed however I like but I’m not going to hold my breath (unless I’m trying to fit into a super cute tiny lbd of course). All joking aside I think that accepting the folks that prefer to be somewhere in the middle of the gender classifications is the beginning of something great. Someday I hope that we can all go out dressed however we like, no matter how passable we might be, and not have to worry about being the target of ridicule, or even violence.
Beth, I’d like to take just a minute to thank you for bringing this subject up. It is yet another inspirational and thought provoking topic that I’m glad I took some time to think and write about. You might not know it but the things you’ve written about have made a positive impact on us all. Thank you so much. 🙂
Beth;
If I may call you by your first name, I like to be called by my feminine name when I am dressed as a woman. I have been fortunate over the years to have been married 3 times and a few girl friends in between as well as some boyfriends, all were and are very supportive of my lifestyle as a crossdresser/transgendered MTF. I love to feel completely like a woman when I am out in public dressed up. So any unsightly body hair is unacceptable. I have shaved my legs and armpits since I was a teenager and I don`t like facial hair at all so just with routine habits and make-up over time I guess my body hair just took a break because I only shave my legs once a week and maybe twice on facial hair mainly for feel as I can literally go a month without shaving at all. I have taken estrogens over the years but I prefer feminizing creams that are estrogen free yet produce similar results. I have been caught too many times dressed as a woman in public to be embarrassed or humiliated. I won`t say I can pass as a genetic female but I can shop as if I were a genetic female and I get more help from sales associates I guess because they are amazed at my courage to freely browse womens intimate items. I even have some call me when a new product is available for women and I get some good tips as well.
My point to all this is simply to feel like a woman is something that we should not be afraid of. After all that`s one reason we dress in womens clothes. When we are free to embrace the woman inside then our outward appearance sort of falls in place. I love nylons and high heels but they would not feel or look right if I didn`t shave my legs or paint my toenails. So you better believe that I always keep my feet looking sexy and my legs ready to show off the sheerest nylons available. My wife tells me all the time that I look better in pantyhose than she does, a lot of women friends tell me that as well. So feeling like that woman inside is the biggest thing that we should not be afraid to let out.
I always wanted feminine breasts and tried everything I knew to achieve that goal. What I learned was to just treat yourself like a lady everyday of your life and you will see your feminine features start to enhance and with the right lingerie you will be amazed. I used to want a sex change but now I just want to go out whereever I please dressed as the woman I am. I do this all the time now and love it.
Thank you for allowing me to share this.
There is another possibility: that a guy might just like to wear skirts. Skirts are just plain comfortable, and there are guys who like the freedom and comfort they provide (not to mention fun) but are not trying to be feminine. They are attempting to legitimize skirt wearing for men, as part of a “movement” that is somewhat similar to the women’s movement to wear pants, that began with the “bloomerism” of the 19th century.
Guys who are into skirts (or kilts) may choose to be quite masculine or to move anywhere along a masculine/feminine gradient, achieved by selecting types of garments and/or other accessories. For example a man in a traditional Scottish kilt or modern kilt (Utilikilt etc.) is quite masculine, but a man in a flowing, thin, floral, breezy etc. skirt can be quite feminine, regardless of other accessories or clothes.
But they don’t consider themselves cross dressers… even if combined with a feminine touch (BELOW the neck), they just like wearing skirts.
Well I think the number of men that just like to wear skirts in public because they are comfortable is likely miniscule. Then you have those that dress in a feminine manner but still keep the facial hair and other non-feminine mannerisms. These I classify as the fetishistic crossdresser. They dress for the thrill of it and obviously don’t care that they are seen as a “man in a dress” Most the remaining group of CDs that present in public likely are attempting more or less to present as and to be treated as female. Some of them wear outrageous outfits and /or inappropriate clothing because they want the sexual experience or possibly just don’t understand the image they are projecting. Some of course simply haven’t mastered all the elements of femininity but then none of us pass 100% of the time.
I personally have been presenting in public since my first transformation experience some 8 years ago and strive to present the best feminine appearance that I can. I wear the outrageous outfits to a support group meeting but not to the mall. That I have uniformly been treated as a woman eventhough salespeople often knew that I was male attests to the axiom that act as a woman and you’ll be treated as a woman.
There have been some interesting experiences and I have passed with natal women on several occasions. There is hardly any better joy than to be accepted into womanhood by another woman. If they know or realize you are transgender, that acceptance is easier. With the general public at large being exposed more and more to crossdressers and particularly those that are transitioning or have transitioned it’s becoming less of any issue every year