His and Hers?
So, getting back to the more light and fluffy side of the blog – today’s question is this:
Does your fem side have her own distinct personality, interests, and tastes? That is, for example, if you are a basketball fan, does “she” like it too? Would you watch a game while dressed? Or is she going to be watching the chick flick on Lifetime instead?
In the conversations I’ve read or been a part of across the net, the split on this seems fairly even. Many CDs consider their fem persona to be an entirely separate personality. When dressed, they not only present a feminine image but are conscious of being “girlish” in all the things under their control. Just as often, I’ve heard it said that dressing is just an outlet and a comfortable place for the CD who feels no hesitation at doing stereotypically guy things while dressed.
Of course I’m aware that the question presumes upon gender binary stereotypes that not everyone agrees with and some actively despise, but I have to be honest – whatever the transgender person thinks of the whole business of “defying the binary”, I have to believe that if there were no gender binary distinctions, there would be little point in crossdressing. It would be no more significant than the woman who’s more comfortable in jeans and a baseball cap than in a skirt. I, for one, am a fan of the binary. I’m a girly girl and I am very much attached to the privilege of being girly with all the stereotypes attached. Obviously I’m fully supportive of equal rights and opportunities for all women everywhere, but at the same time, I embrace the distinctiveness of male and female (with all due respect to those who had rather not be identified as either). I do have some stereotypically male interests and habits, as well as some unavoidable obligations, but part of the joy of transition for me was being comfortable indulging myself, so to speak, in some of the stereotypes that others find outdated or even offensive.
(Continued below...)For instance, I very much like it when a man holds the door for me, or offers to do some sort of heavy lifting that I could do myself out of a sense of gentlemanliness. I’m not above thinking “I wish I had a man here to do this for me.” I don’t care much for getting dirty or physical labor or being in charge. Even though in reality I’m pretty good at that last. So yes, I confess, there’s a bias to my question. I’m assuming some “gender roles” that perhaps you feel no particular allegiance to.
Still, that admission aside, it’s a valid topic of conversation because those folks comfortable with the binary far outnumber those trying to live outside it. Where do you stand? Do you segregate your fem side into “girly”behavior? Or do you mix it up? Heck, maybe your dominant male identity is comfortable with some”girly” aspects for all I know.
Discuss!
Photo by: VSPYCC
While I do have some obligations towards my family, typically I really didn’t have many “his” type of interests, like sports. I would rather watch TV dramas and about cooking. Even in my DRAB mode I have embraced my girly behaviour ti the extent possible so as not to enarass my family
Well the way I personally experience it is as a separate persona that almost can function as its own entity with the exception that it shares my mind, memories, emotions, and body. For instance I can be watching people go by and see a cute guy but instead of thinking to myself something like ‘oh hes hot ;p’ , I hear my female voice think something more like ‘check out that cutie <3' and then consciously start to check him out as he walks by.
Its always been similar to this but when I was a child; right around the time you can think for yourself and start to make your own decisions (though small back then) that make you uniquely you though not necessarily what your parents guide you to be; I always thought to myself "I want to be a girl." or I would worry that I was gay because I really didn't have any preference over males or females (at that age I don't think it really matters for anyone though). I longed to fit in as a girl and as a few more feminine mannerisms started to take hold I was made fun of. Walking like a girl because I was walking with the girls I knew and thinking "like" one if not as one or the way I ate or wrote on paper. My voice was a little late in dropping its pitch and very few kids under the age of fifteen really present a concept of understanding or acceptance of the unusual or different (of course there's always exceptions).
Because of the rejection I got from my peers and friends I started to lock away those feelings as wrong or abnormal. That ended up basically splitting the thought processes so the feminine thoughts and urges could be filtered out and I could more readily fit in. Now I'm finally starting to accept that Hope is part of me and though shes not the only persona in my mind the opinions and urges that are expressed by her should be accepted as well and should have ample opportunity to become reality as it doesn't disturb those around me. Of course if it does I know now to keep moving. If you do you'll find good friends who accept you for what you are and how you are. I still haven't disclosed any of this to my family in fear of their rejection as well, but I think they would accept me lucky.
But I'm starting to ramble, or have been lol.
<3 ~ Hope C.