Meeting our Peers in Philly

This last weekend, for the first time ever, we saw, met and mingled with a large amount of transgender people. It was at the Philadelphia TransHealth Conference, and we went only on Saturday because we had just heard about the event earlier in the week and were unable to make plans to attend the entire conference.

First things first. Even though we live in New York City, we are horribly isolated when it comes to the transgender community. It’s a self-imposed state that we live in at the moment. For the last few years it has just been the two of us dealing with my husband’s transgender identity, and only he has sought professional help. He’s told a few people here and there, but overall we rely on ourselves, the internet, books and documentaries to figure out how to cope with the ups and downs of this kind of normal. As a result of the few hours that we were at this conference on Saturday, we quickly discovered, me perhaps even more than him, how incredibly diverse the term “transgender” is. It was overwhelmingly educational, and it made me realize how little I know about the issue.

It also made me realize more profoundly how devastating being transgender can be for some people. By default, it is a benign existence and is just as blasé as being totally male or totally female (which doesn’t even truly exist as far as I am aware). However, it is devastating when a transgender person feels there is no other option except to take a gun and blow their brains out or when a person loses their life partner or children because they are unable to handle this reality, which for the transgender person has been the reality of their lives, but for their loved ones is a brand new and potentially confusing reality.

(Continued below...)

I admit that I feel somewhat overwhelmed after going there, because it forced me to think longer and harder about our situation. We have managed to settle into a routine which feels like normal life, yet there is a nagging question in the back of both of our minds – will he ever make any type of transition? At the moment I still see him as a man – he’s got all the equipment, and he’s very good at playing the role of the man when at work or when we are with friends. Yet the truth is that his gender has always been in question, and he may need to do something to feel more at home in his own skin.

When I have written posts for this blog in the past, they have been full of advice that come from an “expert” position. This time, however, I have only advice that I must also remember and use myself.

1. Always show respect for each other. At the foundation, you are both human beings who just long to be respected for who you are.
2. Talk to each other. You may say to yourself, “I didn’t sign up for this.” Whether or not you signed up for this, you are dealing with it now and you must be honest and share how you feel with each other, always keeping the first point of respect in mind.
3. Find support. One thing this last weekend taught me is that we do not have to be isolated. There is potential to feel more comfortable and okay in this transgender situation if you find others going through similar experiences. Contact or seek out a local LGBT organization to see what events or support groups are available near you.

Image Credit: Allan