Depression is the single most prevalent mental health issue in the world. An astonishing 10% of the U.S. population deals with at least mild depression, but among the transgender population this figure is much higher. The sad thing is that most people don’t actually seek help with their depression because of the stigma attached to mental health. Once you consider the additional burden of guilt, shame, and fear that often accompany transgender feelings, you have an even more obvious reason why the transgender population is hesitant to seek out help.
I’m of course no exception to this rule. For the majority of my life I’ve lived with varying degrees of depression about feeling the wrong gender inside. Whether it was some of my first memories of asking for a doll for Christmas, or being poked fun of for playing house with the girls at recess, or later on my knees repenting to God for trying on one of my sisters dresses – I’ve experienced a variety of these feelings. It was only when I graduated from college and realized that my depression was getting worse that I decided to seek out therapy – and I’m so glad I did.
I can honestly say that over the last few years my depression has improved quite a bit as I’ve worked with a therapist, and even seen an endocrinologist who has helped me lower my testosterone. Coming out to my family and finding acceptance and love there also has been a huge source of support, as well as the continuing love and support of my wife. Although I haven’t joined any transgender or crossdresser groups, many also find support in these communities.
But even with these sources of support I still find myself feeling scared and depressed from time to time. I think about whether I’ll eventually end up transitioning, and what that might mean for my life, my job, my marriage, and my relationships. It scares me, but sometimes I feel that this is the only way for me to feel at peace with who I am inside. But then I wonder, if I take estrogen and transition if I’ll have exchanged one set of problems for another set of fears. I simply just don’t know.
What I can say, is that for now I feel so much more mentally healthy than I used to, and that working with a qualified therapist, and taking steps forward slowly with things like hair removal, lowering my testosterone, and doing other things to feel more feminine, has really helped me to get by day to day without sinking into transgender or crossdresser blues very often. My mental health has improved a lot since I’ve channeled that depression into something constructive.
If you are a crossdresser or a transgendered person who is dealing with depression in the form of the blues, please consider my story. I know how scary it can be to seek out help, and often the stigma of avoiding professional help is the strongest in our own minds – but it is so worth it to start thinking and talking about these issues openly and figuring out a plan for making your life better. Just because you seek out therapy doesn’t mean you’ll end up going through with SRS, or that you are a transsexual – but it will mean that for the first time in your life you’ll be in control of your destiny instead of letting depression control you.
In the end, know that 1 out of ever 10 people around you are dealing with depression (and 1 in ever 5 with other mental health issues) – you can know you are not alone. More than this, that there are millions of people who seek help each year, and feel better as a result. You owe it to yourself (and to those around you) to see what your options are, and get control of your health; mental health included!
Please Share: Do you have “blues” around your gender? Have you been working on improving your mental health? How do you deal with transgender depression?
Image Credit: Pensiero
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A good article with lot of good point. I also had some deep depression two years ago. My girlfriend was cheated on me, and we broke up, before that, and before that I lost a big order, which means I lost a serious amount of money too. I totally crashed, I got depression… I felt nothing, everything was same senseless… In that relation ship I repress my feminine side, but can’t did it totally, so I admit a few little things, and she accepted… So after one month depression, my urge to crossdress was back again, and it was strength then before.. I didn’t resist this urges, and I can say it helped me a lot, the depression goes away, and my new wardrobe started to grow. At now mostly I didn’t afraid to go out dressed as woman, and wear many womens clothes as I can, and I happy. Okay, sometimes I have some pessimist mood, but still mostly I’m happy person.
So, the point is, I think the another reason to most of us can be deeply depress, because they trying to repress their true themselves, and can’t be really themselves. I totally agreed with that, need to face against the scornful feelings came from the society, the highly chance to get no some serious relationship. This last thought I face it too… We need much more luck to find a woman… We can be the perfect significant other, but the hope is little, dealing with this can be devastating to the happiness…
For me, womanhood has hit the bursting point. I seem to have inhabited this truth as much as I can and still remain closeted. No surprise, then, that trans-blues have come in very hard. In her book, ‘Whipping Girl’, Julia Serano talks about gender sadness. And this is it for me at the moment: a bruising sadness deep inside that how I feel does not in someway match how I appear.
I suppose this is why the posts above resonate so strongly for me. Both wonderfully affirm what I know is true but have yet to find the courage to embrace: it is crucial for me to accept myself and to express this self with others. And therapy can be a very good start point in each instance.
But, of course, this is a bit of a catch-22. For to go into therapy requires a measure of self-acceptance and expression that scares me at present. It requires a measure of the qualities that I would hope the therapeutic process would help me uncover!
This said, I so appreciate your words Mattie and Vivien. They help me remember where I need to go and help me know that such courageousness is possible.
Love,
Tanya
I am a m-f transgendered person and I love to wear makeup. The only thing is, well, see, back in school I got picked on and bullied a lot. When I say a lot I mean everyday. So now even tho I am much older I am still afraid of males. I am afraid they will beat me up if I go out looking like a female. I have gone to therapy but so far it hasn’t worked in this department. I live in a rural area so that doesn’t help much either I guess. I can’t move right now because of my finances it is cheap to live where I live. So, if anyone could help me with this I would gladly appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Lori Q