Comments for the girl inside

Comment on Why Don’t Men Wear Dresses? by Don

Don — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:18:23 +0000

Well I wear skirts and dresses almost exclusively, it’s gotten so that I hate pants. While it is difficult sometimes to find a dress that fits right and doesn’t make me look ridiculous, it is possible and I have several. It’s much easier to find a nice skirt. Many of the womens skirts do not look feminine at all so it’s easy to find one that looks very stylish and appropriate. Also, since you can buy a different size top than what the skirt is, it’s much easier to get a combination that fits correctly. Of course I also like to wear very feminine looking skirts and tops on occasion too, it all depends on the situation. So skirts and dresses look nicer and are more comfortable. I expect that soon more men will catch on to that secret.

Comment on Does he want to be a woman? by The Wife

The Wife — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 05:39:08 +0000

Hi Marie,

Although I should, I don’t often respond to comments on here, and yours stood out to me.

First of all – welcome to the club. I think all of us partners, spouses and families are immersed in a world we know little about. It’s as if someone took cold water and dumped it on us while we were sleeping in warm beds, completely comfortable and happy with the way things were. It’s not always a negative experience to be in this club, but it can most certainly feel like your world is changing in some very odd and frustrating ways.

I’ve never had my husband tell me that he wants to make the full transition, and neither have I experienced a negative confrontation with him about him being transgender. Our conversations have sometimes been painful, but when it comes to this topic, we tread softly, and I’d like to think, respectfully.

That said, it is most certainly not easy to hear the news that he wants to be she – even part of the time. I’ve felt like you sometimes – that I am being forced into a lesbian role when I very much want to be in a fully heterosexual relationship. We are all so used to having things be tied up in neat little boxes of husband and wife, male and female, penis and vagina, that when we’re told, “no I want to be a female, too”, it’s like – WAIT A MINUTE – what about me?? (And I’ll tell you, that this is also a big issue in the gay community, too – all of a sudden a lesbian finds out she has to play a heterosexual role. It’s very hard no matter what sexual orientation you are.)

I could go on and on, but based upon what you’ve written, the biggest piece of advice I can give you is that first and foremost find a couples therapist that has experience with gender issues. It sounds like you love your husband and want to figure out how to fix what is going on. If your husband is truly transgender, it cannot be “fixed”. You may have only found out today about it, but if he is transgender he has known about it his entire life. If you want to maintain this marriage, you will both need to work hard to figure out how to support each other and make this a process that includes you both. It is your business AND his business.

Bottom line – please see someone. If he won’t see a therapist with you, you should most certainly go and see one by yourself to make sure you can handle this. Believe me – you should not try to handle this on your own, especially if you feel you are not being heard by your spouse and if you are concerned with work. It sounds like there are a lot of underlying issues here that need to be worked through – cheating, lying, disrespect – these may be long standing issues that are only being exacerbated by him coming out to you.

I am no expert, but know that you’re not the first to go through this. Many spouses and families have gone before us and have survived just fine. You WILL be okay.

Comment on Does he want to be a woman? by Marie

Marie — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:13:03 +0000

Well where to start. My husband of 20 years sprung on me today that he wants to start taking hormones. That he will grow breasts, his voice will change and he will have his shriveled penis removed. I am so at a loss. When I try to ask questions about it—he yells and me and tells me it is none of my business and he will do as HE WISHES! Shortly before we got married he told me that he liked to on occasion wear womens’ shoes. I thought it a bit different—but I loved him. I asked him at that time to be honest with me and tell me if there were more to it. He said there was not. He has not taken any of my feelings into account and quite frankly has made it clear that he does not want to hear about my feelings. I do not wish to live as a lesbian for several reasons—-I have wants and needs and they will not be met and my job is such that they get wind of this—they will be looking for any way possible to get rid of me. He has had several affairs—he says only mentally—but I am not so sure. Apparently after the last one a couple of months ago—he decided that he wanted to start taking hormones for whatever reason. Guess he thinks that will help keep him from cheating. Any thought or ideas. I am truly at a loss.

Comment on Why Don’t Men Wear Dresses? by Robert

Robert — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 11:03:21 +0000

Daniel,
I do agree that the dresses today don’t express much in feminity. I wore my first dress at 11 years of age. The reason for this was nor forced dressing but because my mother firmly believed boys could and should wear dresses. My first dress was a girls party dress. It was yellow with a flower print on the bottom. It also had a sewn in petticoat attached. Almost similar to Easter dresses today, but they were fuller and tapered out from the waist because of the petticoats. This dress along with anklet socks and maryjanes, my mother said I was very cute. My brothers rejected the dresses by destroying them, but I loved them.
I thought how could a person NOT want to wear something so soft, so pretty and so comfortable. Over the nxt 5 years my mother kept adding dresses to my closet. This was in 1961 to 1966, you would have to look at vintage little girls dresses at that time to fully understand what I am saying.

Comment on Seeing a therapist by renee

renee — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 13:22:30 +0000

new to these computers. i just logged on with laura’s website this morn.i feel your pain, just as i live your pain. i have been cleared twice in my life by medical personal for sex-reassignment. never having money to go all the way. everyday i arise from the sheets,look in the mirror,get dressed and walk out of the house into the world,as a liar, for not living the way i feel inside. life’s hard enough when people are happy with themselves as a whole. but to throw an extra wrench into the workings of one’s mind, puts stress beyond beliefs. that is until you’ve worn the shoe. everone’s different in their own right.follow your heart n mind. there will be people for whom you come across in your lifetime, who will try to sway your decisions.they will even try to throw god at you, in efforts to change you back.your not going out of your way to hurt anyone, you just are trying to feel better inside your own rights. a therapist will tell you that, if they haven’t already. before you can be happy with other’s, you have to be happy with yourself. finding other’s in your support, will only help you, along your way. i want to take the time to thank-you today, for being you & to have the courage & wisdom to move forward in your life. keep a positive thought, in all you desire. your not out to hurt anyone, your out to be comfortable with who you are. people that try to be negative towards your flight, get rid of them. it’s their choice , to be how they are, just as it’s your own choice, to be who you are or how you feel. they may come back around, after seeing your happiness or they may not. be positive. sincerely renee. new to laura’s, as well as computers in general. thank-you once again

Comment on Coming out to my parents by irene

irene — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:17:47 +0000

Wow, you are so courageous to come out to your parents!
(http://www.irenetan-cd.com)

Comment on Why Don’t Men Wear Dresses? by Robert

Robert — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 13:09:15 +0000

Tammy,
I agree that there are certain men who feel that they NEED to express their feminine side. It dwells in each of us, male or female, due to our DNA make-up. I too like to express my girly side on occasion, but also feel that mens clothes are sparse as to styles and by allowing skirts and dresses in men’s styles would open a new avenue for all concerned. For instance, when I was 11 I had the prettiest party dresses anyone could want, I also had everyday dresses that were not all frills and lace. Some did not require petticoats or slips. My mother encouraged me to wear them, so I did have an advantage over most boys. While I did not play sports, I did love riding my bicycle in the dresses. The freedom was unbelievable. I did not start wearing skirts til later in life.
I still like lacey frilly dresses and probably will for the rest of my life. I also like to go out in my more masculine skirts, skorts and kilts. Not everyday is for the wearing of the frilly things, just for special occasions, like birthdays and holidays.

Comment on Why Don’t Men Wear Dresses? by Daniel

Daniel — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:42:03 +0000

I am a hetrosexual male, that wears lingerie and dresses, every chance I get. I for one, prefer, vintage style lingerie and dresses. Like the Lucy dresses, and circle skirts. To bad that they stopped making femine looking dresses and skirts!

Comment on Seeing a therapist by Paula

Paula — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 12:21:03 +0000

It’s great to hear about your experiences.

I’ve never actually been to see a Therapist myself, but I can understand how it could be hugely beneficial in coming to terms with your gender identity. Being able to talk to someone openly, without the fear of being judged or causing offence, can really help to surface all of those feelings that are buried deep inside. I truly believe that self-acceptance is one of the biggest, and possibly most important, steps in creating a better life for yourself. Once you’ve tackled this, nothing seems quite as bad.

For me, this was a huge turning point. Once I accepted that this is who I am, I started living. I still face many challenges, but I’m now able to remain positive and deal with them head-on.

I look forward to reading more.

Comment on Why Don’t Men Wear Dresses? by Robert

Robert — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:08:15 +0000

to Aunt jo-momma;
If you are a real crossdresser then why hide in the closet. Did you know that it is fashionable for guys to wear skirts or skorts.
In Japan they can’t keep them on the shelves almost similar to the jeans chaos from the late 70s into the 80s. If you really want to wear some comfortable go to marcus uniforms on the internet. They have skorts in Navy blue, black and tan. Skorts are skirts with shorts sewn into them. The shorts are on nylon and a shorter then the hem of the skirt. My friends and I wear them everywhere. To the store, gas station, even to kmart. You could even wear them to the library. These are more acceptable then regular skirts. Nobody has ever said a derogatory remark to any of us, even if we were by ourselves at the stores or places mentioned. Since the shorts are similar to the liners in mens’ swimtrunks (not transparent) there is one other comfort issue, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WEAR ANY TYPE OF UNDERWEAR. The cost is reasonable as well, only $7 each. Try spending your money on a couple of them, wear them around for a couple of days, you won’t want to wear pants again. TRUST ME, I wear them.